I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
