and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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