You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
