you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
