I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
