he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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