..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
