also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
