I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
