Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
