Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize