I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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