I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's blow job season.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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