There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
