the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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