I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
