the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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