I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
