Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
