if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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