My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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