i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
