If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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