God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
