I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
