I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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