she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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