I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
