This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize