Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize