how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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