it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
