You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
