If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
