What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
