How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
