I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
