I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
