What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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