Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
