After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
