Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
