He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
