Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
