He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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