My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
