accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
