Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
