If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize