walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
