You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
