Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
