i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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