I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
