i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
