They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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