It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
