Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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