You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
