I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize