I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cut my penus on the lid.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
