well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
