My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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