woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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