new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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