I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My dick has a subreddit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize