I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize