I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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