I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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