Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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