Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
