i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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