hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
