We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
