Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
