well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
