Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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