good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
