2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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