I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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