i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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