Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize