You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
