I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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