There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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