just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
