Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
