I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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