What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
