Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
