So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
