this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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