I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
