my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
