I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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