YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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