you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
