To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize