Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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