I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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