well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Small penises have feelings too.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
