Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
