Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
