bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
