She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
