Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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