Where did you get a picture of my penis
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
