Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
