Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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